This Is How I Feel Most Days

But to you, I wear a smile.

Everyone keeps leaning, needing,

Repeating,

Sweet, Miss Dependable

Me. It’s my own fault. I love the loving

Like those in need of affection love lovers.

They inhale love.

Steal, ravish and consume it,

Quenching their thirst.

I’m afraid.

My heart has nurtured to the extent that it hungers.

Unloved, but still loving.

My love is volatile, leaking.

I have given in dangerous measures.

Still, I’m unlovable.

I will not cave! No, not I!

Bartender,  pour me another.

But to you, I wear a smile.

I am an addict and my heart is my dealer.

Toxins flow straight to my veins.

They still linger.

Secret poison to escape my hatred.

My own words betray me.

My strength’s a facade.

I’ll break. I will crumble.

I do break.

Like fine china on pavement,

I’ve broken.

Unloved, but still loving.

Bartender, pour me another.

I grab the mic and take a drink,

Sing, wave and take my bow.

Still, unbelieving and hollow.

But to you, I wear a smile.

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